Archive Page 2

28
Jul

SHUCKS!!! PLEASE DON’T READ THIS!!! DON’T READ THIS PLEASE!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

200. My middle name is: IDIYET

199: I was born on: JULY 13TH, T’WAS A FRIDAY

198. I am : SiNGLE I’M NOT DOUBLE

196. My eye color is: DARK BLACK

195. My shoe size is: 19 AND 3/4

194. My favorite color is: COLORLESS

192. My height is: 4′11" ( WITH 10 INCHES HIGH HEELS ON )

191. I am allergic to: YOU

190. I live in: A ZOO

189. The last 5 books I red: HAIRDRYERS AND OTHER BATHTIME TOYS, DAD’S NEW WIFE ROBERT, HOW FUN IT IS TO TIE A SQUIRREL TO A KITE, FUN AND ENTERTAINING WAYS TO TEAR YOUR FAMILY APART & THE POP-UP BOOK OF THE HUMAN ANATOMY.

188. My bed is: SUGAR FREE

187. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex: THEY`RE ALL GIRLS.

186. I am glad I’m my sex because: I DON’T WANNA BE A LESBIAN.

181. Motto: DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS. . . WHEN YOUR MOUTH IS FULL.

179. My favorite Question to ask: IF YOU WRITE A BOOK ABOUT FAILURE, AND IT DOESN’T SELL, IS IT A SUCCESS?

178. A perfect kiss is: UNFORTUNATELY, I DON’T SPEAK "FRENCH", BUT I DO "KISS" THAT WAY.

177. The last three albums I bought are: 3 PHOTO ALBUMS

176. Last song that made me cry was: MY HUMPS

172. My most treasured possession is: USED DISPOSABLE DIAPER.

170. What did you do last night: I ROBBED A BANK, DIDN’T KNOW T’WAS A SPERM BANK!!!

167. My skin’s reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): WORSE!! I’M MELTING.

:::::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::::

143. Santa? SANTA BARBARA?

142. Love at first sight? SORRY, MY EYES ARE CLOSED.

141. Luck?: I FELL OFF THE FERRIS WHEEL TWICE YESTERDAY AND NOW I AM PARALYZED & BITTER.

140. Fate?: NO!! I’M DUANESIS YOU IDIOT!!! WHO’S FATE? HILL?

139. God?: YES INDEED!! ( is this the first time I answered seriously? )

138. Aliens?: MY NEIGHBORS.

137. Heaven?: NO THIS IS EARTH.

136. Hell?: YES, IT’S A STRIP CLUB!! LOTSA STRIPPER POLES INSIDE.

135. Ghosts?: BUSTERS!!!!

134. Horoscopes?: HORROR-SCOPES ARE BETTER.

135. Soulmates?: AS LONG AS THEY’RE NOT SOULS. I’M AFRAID OF GHOSTS.

:::::Which is Better?:::::

128. Drunk or High: PASSED THE FUCC OUT!!!

127. Phone or Online?: CORDLESS WALKIE TALKIE

126. Red heads or Black hair? AS IN LITERALLY "RED"?

125. Blondes or Brunettes: STRIPPER OR WHAT??

120. Night or Day: AFTERNOON

119. Oranges or Apples: JUNK FOODS

118. Curly or Straight hair: WHERE?

:::::Here’s What I Think About:::::

116. Abortion?: IT’S VERY VERY VERY BAD!!! THE CHILD IN THE WOMB OF A PREGNANT WOMAN IS "ONE" IN A "MILLION". Out of the millions of sperms that maybe produced at one ejaculation, the "most" healthy "ones" swim up the cervix and into the uterine cavity. At this time if ovulation takes place and an egg is released from the ovary, the sperm fertilises the egg in the fallopian tube. "Out of the millions" of sperms "only one" finally fertilises the egg usually. The expectancy of a continuing pregnancy which will result in birth of a child after any one exposed cycle with intercourse, even in the typical young fertile couple with one-egg-ovulation is somewhere in the range of 20-30%. There are 46 chromosomes (23 pairs) in a human cell; 22 pairs are called autosomes and a pair of sex chromosomes. In females, the pair of sex chromosomes is XX, but XY in the males. Karyotype is the arrangement of chromosomes showing the size and the shape. Chromosomes - thread-like structures in every cell of the human body. Chromosomes carry genes. All healthy people have 46 chromosomes in 23 pairs. Usually, people receive one chromosome in each pair from each parent. Before DNA was discovered, scientists had already identified Chromosomes within each human cell. These were observed under a normal microscope after colouring the cell (chromos means colour). So now we know that chromosomes are really long pieces of DNA, each containing between 500 and 1000 genes. Each human body cell contains 46, that is 23 pairs, of chromosomes. This is typical of our species. Other species have different numbers. The only cells in our body that have a single set of 23 chromosomes are sperm cells and egg cells. When they come together at conception, the 23 chromosomes of each are joined. In this way the new individual receives a full set of 46 chromosomes, but from two different parents. AYT THEN IM’MA GIVE YOU A "KINDERGARTEN LIKE" EXPLANATION: 23 CHROMOSOMES OF THE MAN’S SPERM CELL + 23 CHROMOSOMES OF THE WOMAN’S EGG CELL = NEW INDIVIDUAL WITH A FULL SET OF 46 CHROMOSOMES, TRANSLATION - CONGRATULATIONS!! YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HAVE A BABY!! IMAGINE.. GOD CHOSE THE "BEST" AMONG THE REST.. AND THAT "BABY" or "BABIES" IN THE WOMB OF A MOTHER IS TOTALLY "HANDPICKED" BY GOD, YOU DIG?? ( Y’ALL KNOW THERE’S A MILLION OF SPERMS RACING TO THE FINISH LINE "FOCKERS", Y’ALL KNOW WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!! AND I DON’T WANNA BE A SMART-ASS RIGHT HERE!! DARN IT!! I DON’T WANT TO EXPLAIN NO MORE!!! ), AND THEN IN A SPLIT SECOND YOU’RE GONNA KILL THE LITTLE ANGEL JUST LIKE THAT?? HOW DARE YOU!!! GOD FORBIDS THAT!!! AND I KNOW IT’S WRITTEN IN THE BIBLE, DID YOU GET MY POINT?? THINK ABOUT IT EINSTEIN!!!

115. Backstabbers?: I’LL GIVE ‘EM A SET OF SHARP KNIVES AS A GIFT.

114. Parents?: LOVELY

110. School?: SCHOOL IS A VERY BRILLIANT IDEA TO LEARN HOW TO SOCIALIZE AND SCREW YOUR WHOLE DAMN LIFE AND MAKE THE SCHOOL OWNERS RICH.

::::Last time I::::

102. Hugged someone: YEAH, FUNSHINE BEAR AND A SARS PATIENT FROM GUANGDONG CHINA.

101. Seen someone I haven’t seen in a while: GRIM REAPER. OH MY GOLLY WOW!! ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I’M THINKING??

99.  Played with the kids outside and tell them: YOU GUYS CAN MAKE A PLASTIC BAG SPACE HELMET.

::::MISC::::

90. Who’s the ditziest person I know: DR. PEPPER

89. Who are the people who make me laugh the most: THE BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN ALL STARS!!!

87. One thing I’m mad about right now is: WRITING THIS PIECE OF SHYT

83. The last movies I saw in the theater was: BBC NEWS & THE WEATHER CHANNEL THE MOVIE

82. The thing I don’t understand is: WHY CAN’T MR. FORK AND MS. ELECTRICAL OUTLET BE FRIENDS?

80. The most unsatisfactory answer I’ve ever received is: OH HI!! NICE TO MEET YOU TOO!! MY NAME IS GEORGE.

79. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: THEY’RE SWEET!!  BUT IT’S USELESS.. I’M DIABETIC.

76. Later I’m gonna: CATAPULT THE MANURES IN MY NEIGHBORS APARTMENT. SOUNDS FUN!! KINDA LIKE AN UN-SCHEDULED TRICK OR TREAT IN JULY, THE "TRICK" IS MY "TREAT"!!! YEE-HAW!!!

75. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY HOUSE.

74. The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: FOLLOW A FEW PACES BEHIND SOMEONE SPRAYING EVERYTHING THEY TOUCH WITH A CAN OF LYSOL, ASK 800 OPERATORS FOR DATES, DRUM ON EVERY AVAILABLE SURFACE, STAPLE PAPERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PAGE, BUY LARGE QUANTITIES OF MINT DENTAL FLOSS JUST TO LICK THE FLAVOR OFF, PRODUCE A RENTAL VIDEO CONSISTING ENTIRELY OF DIRE F.B.I. COPY WARNINGS, TESTING HOMEMADE PARACHUTES USING HOUSEHOLD PETS AND POINT WATER PISTOLS AT WOMEN AND SQUIRT SHIRTS.

73. Tomorrow: IS JUST ANOTHER DAY ON PLANET EARTH.

72. Today: I’M GONNA POUR BUBBLE BATH INTO THE FOUNTAINS IN THE GARDEN SECTION OF AYALA CENTER MALL.

71. Next Summer: I’M GONNA WALK UP TO A COMPLETE STRANGERS AND SAY, "Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!! How you been?? Long time no see!" AND THEN I’LL SEE IF THEY’RE GONNA PLAY ALONG TO AVOID EMBARRASSMENT. mwahahahahahaha!!!

70. Next Week: I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS FOR YOU, THE GOOD NEWS IS.. YOU STILL HAVE 1 WEEK TO LIVE, THE BAD NEWS IS.. WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?? LAST WEEK PA KITA HINAHANAP!!!!!!

67. People call me: ADMIRAL!! PSSHHH.. OF COURSE AT HOME, I DON’T HAVE A MOBILE PHONE, IT’S HELLA EXPENSIVE!

64. The person I have been good friends with the longest is: BARNEY & FRIENDS

62. The person who knows the most about me is? THE PAPARAZZIS.

61. The person that can read me the best is: A PERSON WHO GOT GOOD EYE SIGHT. GOT A 20/20 VISION BETTER EYE SIGHT IN BOTH EYES AND KNOWS HOW TO READ.

60. The most difficult thing to do is: TAKE A BATH WITH YOUR GRAMPA WHILE HE’S PLAYING WITH HIS RUBBER DUCKEY IN A BATH TUB AND WON’T LET YOU BORROW IT.

59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: YES BUT IT RAN AWAY WITH AN INCREDIBLE SPEED.

58. I have the following siblings: 2 JAPANESE SPITS, 4 DALMATIANS, 3 CHOW-CHOWS & 2 PUGS

57. My favorite people are: HUMANS

56. My zodiac sign is: AN AILMENT. A DISEASE.

55. The first person I thought i was in love with was: A CARTOON CHARACTER, AND I THOUGHT HE’S A GIRL, HE’S NAME IS WINNIE THE POOH, DANG!! WHY IN THE WORLD Y’ALL DISNEY PEOPLE NAMED HIM "WINNIE"?? ANSWER ME!!!

53. The one person who can’t hide things from me: PAMELA ANDERSON

52. I need to: POOP!!

51. Right now I am talking to: MY PARROT

50. I have a crush on: A TELE-TUBBIE

49. I hate: HATRED

48. I have a job at: TYSON’S BOXING GYM, I’M A HUMAN PUNCHING BAG.

47. I have these pets: IGUANA, COBRA, ZEBRA, GIRAFFE, AARDVARK, LAUGHING HYENA’S, CHEETAH, BABOONS, CATS, CENTIPEDE, DESERT EAGLE AND A VULTURE.

46. I wish I was: DONATELLO, COWABUNGA!!! HELLO PIZZA HUT!! CAN I RENT A PIZZA?

45. The worst sound in the world: SPOOKY SOUNDS FROM THE BEDROOM OF YOUR GRAND PARENTS & MY TEACHER’S VERSION OF JACK & JILL AND SING-A-SONG.

44. The person that makes me cry the most is? SYLVESTER STALLONE ON CRACK.

41. I almost die laughin when: I SAW MY MENTALLY RETARDED NEIGHBOR ROBERT RUNNIN’ AROUND THE DEPARTMENT STORE YELLING "I’M A PRINCESS" WHILE HOLDING A TOY WAND.

39. My boy/girlfriend: IS AN IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND AND HER NAME IS RUMPLESTILTSKIN.

34. My favorite state? STATE OF SHOCK.

33. My favorite piece of clothing is: A TRANSPARENT BRIEF.

32. My favorite sport to play is: KISS YOUR DADDY GOODBYE, FREEWAY DODGEBALL & OTHER MICROWAVE GAMES.

31. Last time I sing: WHEN I WAS AT THE SUPERMARKET WITH MY FRIENDS, WE BROUGHT A DISH TOWEL AND BUCKET THEN WE SAT ON THE FLOOR AND WE SANG "It’s a hard knock life for us!".

29. What i’m wearing right now is: A PINK POLKA DOT SUIT MATCHING MARVIN THE MARTIAN "LUCKY" TIE.

28. The school I go to is: AIMOLLWAIST HIGH, AIMOLLWAIST CITY, CHRISTMAS ISLAND.

27. The last person I got mad at was: THE BELL BOY AT THE MANILA HOTEL’S ELEVATOR WHO DREW A LITTLE SQUARE ON THE FLOOR WITH CHALK AND ANNOUNCE TO THE OTHER PASSENGERS INCLUDING ME NA THAT’S HIS "PERSONAL SPACE" DAW.

26. My worst drinking experience was: DRINKING AT THE SCHOOL’S DRINKING FOUNTAIN NEAR THE SEPTIC TANK, THE WATER TASTED KINDA FUNKY.

24. movies I watched yesterday was: HARRY POTHEAD & JURASSIC FART.

22. The all-time best movie is: MICKEY MOUSE & THE MOUSE TRAP.

21. The all-time best thing in the world is: REAL ANIMALS THAT EAT PETS AND CHILDREN.

19. The most annoying thing ever is: ANNOYING!!!

17. I lose all respect for people who: STEAL MY USED DISPOSABLE DIAPERS.

16. The last movies I have cried at is: AMERICAN WEDDING &  GARFIELD GETS FELINE LEUKEMIA.

11. The worst pain I was ever in was: WHEN I THOUGHT ALL GUNS SQUIRT WATER…

10. My favorite phrases: ASSWIPE, PUKE-POT, LEWD RUDE CRUDE BAG OF PRE-CHEWED FOOD DUDE, PIMPLE FARMING, FART FACTORY.

9. My room is: FULL OF SHIT!!! WELL, LITERALLY.

8. My favorite celebrity is: DEAD.

6. My downfall is: YOUR FART FLAVOURED MINTS.

5. My weakness is: YOUR STINKIEST BREATH IN THE MORNING. UHM, BAD BREATH WOULD BE AN IMPROVEMENT.

4. What is your favorite expression? JEALOUSY IS A DISEASE. . . GET WELL SOON!

2. I filled out 200 questions because? I JUST GOT OUT FROM THE NATIONAL MENTAL INSTITUTE. WELL ACTUALLY, JUST TO LETCHA KNOW.. IT’S NOT 200 QUESTIONS, SEE FOR YO’SELF.

1. Was it fun? NEXT QUESTION PLEASE.

05
Jul

THE 9 ELEMENTS OF HIP-HOP

Yo i’m Duanesis of the A.P.O.K.A.L.I.P.S.I.S.

And when I talk about "Hip-Hop", I know

One : Breaking or breakdancing
Rally b-boying, freestyle or streetdancin’

Two : MC’ing or rap
Divine speech what I’m doing right now no act

Three: Grafitti art or burning bombin’
Taggin’, writin’, now you’re learning!

Four : DJ’ing, we ain’t playing!
*scratchin’* You know what I’m saying!?

Five : Beatvoxing
Give me a *beatvox* Yes and we rockin’!

Six : Street fashion, lookin’ fly
Catchin’ the eye while them cats walk on by

Seven: Street language, our verbal communication
Our codes throughout the nation

Eight: Street knowledge, common sense
The wisdom of the elders from way back whence

Nine : Street entrepreneur realism
No job, just get up call ‘em and get ‘em

Here’s how I’m tellin’ it, all 9 Elements
We stand in love, no we’re never failing it
Intelligent? No doubt
Hip-Hop? We’re not selling it out, we’re just lettin’ it out
If you’re checkin’ us out this hour, we teachin’ hip-hop
Holy integrated people have it, I’m the present power!

Rap is something we do!
Hip-Hop is something we live! ( RAPPER BOY )

05
Jul

PEEP THIS!!! THIS IS THE MOST SWEETEST THING EVER!!!

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty.
He said no.

She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever.
He said no.

She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away.
He again said no.

She had heard too much.
She needed to leave.

As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay, he said,
"You’re not pretty, you’re beautiful. I don’t want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever.
 

I wouldn’t cry if you walked away, I would die."

awwwww!!! i’m a fuckin’ gangster but this shit is really sweet!!

dayyymm man!!! i know it’s kinda CHEESY and all that but y’knowhat?? IT’S ALL GRAVY BABY!!!

Right homies!? ya know whutt i’m talkin about??  ( RAPPER BOY )

05
Jul

55 Annoying Things to Do in an Elevator

         Elevator2_1 Elevator1 Elevator_6 

Elevator1_2

Elevator1_2

Elevator_6Elevator_6Elevator1_2

Elevator_6

Elevator1_2

  1. 1. Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.
  2. 2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
  3. Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?
  4. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  5. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

  6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
  7. Meow occasionally.
  8. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
  9. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You’re one of THEM" and back away slowly.
  10. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

  11. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
  12. Annouce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
  13. Say "Ding" at each floor.
  14. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
  15. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

  16. Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
  17. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
  18. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
  19. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."
  20. When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

  21. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
  22. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
  23. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
  24. Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How’s your day been?"
  25. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That’s mine!"

  26. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
  27. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
  28. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.
  29. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
  30. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

  31. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
  32. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
  33. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It’s okay. Don’t panic, they open up again."
  34. Swat at flies that don’t exist.
  35. Tell people that you can see their aura.

  36. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
  37. Shave.
  38. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
  39. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I’ve got new socks on!"
  40. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now… motion sickness!"

  41. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
  42. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
  43. Leave a box between the doors.
  44. Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
  45. Start a sing-along.

  46. One word: Flatulence!
  47. Do Tai Chi exercises
  48. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
  49. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
  50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

  51. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
  52. Bring a chair along.
  53. Lean against the button panel.
  54. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it…quick!" then whistle innocently.
  55. Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it. ( duanesis the menace )
05
Jul

yiheeeeeeee. . .

Edmonds_1

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

By far this is the sweetest song i know. . . *ehem ehem ehem!!!*

KEVON EDMONDS - 24/7

Baby it’s no mystery
You’re bringing out the best in me
And though I’ve been in love before
I’ve never had the kind of love that made me feel secure
I never thought that give and take
Mentality was right for me, hmm
You made me open up and see
That it’s for real
And there’s no other place I’d rather be.

I think about you all the time, 24-7 babe
The love I have inside for you
Is more than any words can say
Pray to God on bended knee
We’ll always be together babe
You and me If there’s a high or low
Anything can be babe
I’ll be there for you to pick you up off your feet, yeah
Pray to God on bended knee
We’ll always be together babe
You and me.
 

When I’m in my nine to five
I smile went across my lips when I
Daydream about the night before
I count the minutes till I’m in your arms once more
My friends they don’t understand, no
In me they see a brand new man
I give you props and tell them that
My shorty’s bout it
She personifies the love she gives.

Oh how I’ve waited for this moment in my life
It’s you that I adore.
Baby with you I am secure
My life is in your hands
And now I understand
What it means to be in love again, oh
Never gonna let u go, oh no.                                  (*sUpeR-hUgsSieS*)